the BONEY and SACHMO show: Self Defence and the ZA

In the coming Zombie Apocalypse (ZA) it will be necessary to defend yourself from the hoard. In a prior post I talked about the essentials of self defence, which is a good start, but this post will cover the subject with a little more detail.

As I mentionned in the last post, the best self defence is avoidance; if you are where the zombies aren't you can't get infected.

even zombies won't eat here

But let's face it, you won't always be able to avoid zombies, especially if you are in an urban environment. So There you are, at one end of an alley, mere meters from a clear line sweet freedom

even sweeter than that

and there is a zombie, what do you want to have with you? What weaponry will give you the best chance of success? In order to examine this we need to look at the basic physiology of the zombie.

Zombieism is caused by....well....we're not too sure. What is known is that it is passed from infected to infectee by bodily fluids. Bites are the most common way, although there are recorded cases of splashback from close quarters gunshot and melee attacks causing infection.

needless to say, condoms are a MUST

Once bitten (or however infected, I'm not judging) there is nothing to do but make peace. The strongest antibiotics do nothing so it's not bacterial, reports out of Russa say Tamiflu buys you a few extra hours, but they are not confirmed, and antiretrovirals don't help. The best guess scientists have is that it's some kind of never before seen virus

even the scienticians are mystified

Once infected, within 24-48 hours the body dies physiologically, and then 8-12 hours later it reanimates. The cells of the infected do not require oxygen, do not provide waste do not metabolize, they are dead in every sense of the word except that they still follow commands from the brain. Since they don't use oxygen the heart and lungs are useless. They don't use energy in any way, so the digestive system is useless (why they crave and eat human flesh is unknown). Only the brain functions as it used to in the living human, as the control centre. Metabolically this gives the zombie their greatest strength and weakness. They don't need to rest, they can go at the maximum capacity of the body all the time. But they cannot heal, so as the body rots or is injured, the damage can never be undone.

The senses are changed from when they were humans, the zombie does not see in any way or smell (well they stink, but they don't smell...get it?) there is some kind of taste for they only eat human, preferably still living, but freshly killed will do. And they can hear like...well, they can hear almost on par with the body pre-infection.

So the key to fighting the hoard is being able to destroy the brain silently. Much easier said than done.

unless you're a ninja sniper

All melee weapons are pretty much useless. Unless you are able to use the weapon in a way that would destroy the brain of a human in one blow all a melee weapon does is get you in grabbing distance of a zombie. In a last ditch effort to save your life, you can use a melee weapon to disable a zombie and get away. A zombie with a foot cut off or a severed hamstring cannot persue you. Just remember that a zombie brain that is intact is still trying to eat you. If you sever a head and lose your concentration, it can still bite your ankle, and you are as infected as anyone else.

A bow and arrow offers the advantages of distance and silence. But unless you are a world calibre archer, you won't be able to have much stopping power, even with the more advanced compound bows out there.

Crossbows offer silence and stopping power, although they are slow to reload and notoriously difficult to master.

Firearms increase the stopping power at the expense of silence. A well placed bullet stops any zombie. In order to get yourself safe you need to be able to place a shot on a human head sized target with your weapon. Shooting a zombie in the trunk or limbs may slow the zombie down, but will not stop it. A single shot, accurate rifle with a silencer is the gold standard

oh baby

The single shot forces you to make each one count, with an AK-47 the temptation to go all full metal jacket is a little much to resist for most. The rifle lets you mark a target at distance, and the silencer makes you silent (no kidding).

A handgun is an acceptable backup, but doesn't offer the desired range to be a primary, be sure to be silent.

Whatever weapon you choose make sure to have:

stopping power
range
ammunition you can restock easily
silence

Armor is dumb. Anything that you put on can and will be dismantled by zombies. If one can't do it, it will be able to keep you in one place long enough that it's friends will soon be by looking to join the meal.

tell them to bring some Chianti

The best defensive clothing is just that; clothing. Not too baggy so zombies can't use your clothes to grab you, and not too tight that your movement is restricted. This also lowers the weight you are carrying and lets you move quicker and quieter.