HOW I UNDERSTAND ROAD RAGE, AND HOW I HAVE LEARNED TO ACCEPT IT.

I would just like to state that by no means am I a good driver. I'm too aggressive, I drive way too fast and I don't feel like I need to stop for anything but a hilarious novelty T-shirt or the drive-thru window. But on my way to work every morning I encounter the same fuck nuts from the moment I get into my car. At first everything is fine, I set my radio to "Opie and Anthony" and they fill my head with right wing bullshit and fart jokes. As I pull out of my $10.00 parking stall low and behold another tenant at the condo is pulling out of the stall right behind me at the same time. Jesus H. man, I know that lots of people go to work at the same time as me everyday, but how do you manage to leave the exact moment I do EVERYDAY!!! I don't have to be at work at exactly 8 or whatever, so everyday I leave at a different time, and somehow so does she. I put it in reverse, and she does as well. I sit there waiting for her and she waits for me, we both give up and pull out at the exact time...fuck!!! I honestly got out of my car one day and went back in the condo to scream into a pillow. OK so I eventually get out of my stall and I need to turn into a nicely paved alley type road, and of course some jackass in a monster truck is driving 80km/h down it, throwing his Tim Horton's coffee out the window and I assume clearing his throat while talking about nothing on his fag blu-tooth device. I wait for buddy in his camouflage hat to drive by and the next car that is driving down this shortcut. Ten minutes later I pull up to Arcola Ave, the light is green to turn onto Arcola but the person in front is not turning right. Why? Fuck if I know, most likely because they don't realise Arcola has 2 lanes so he waits for the people on the other side to all turn left before proceeding. Numbnuts gets through eventually, but the light has turned red and the insane amount of traffic is now coming the other way. I am 2 blocks from home now 20 minutes later. I get onto Arcola as soon as the light turns because I unlike the other morons out there know I have a window to turn when the lights are changing. That is where me and the rest of traffic slowly inch down Arcola for various reasons. The main reason is a lot of people are going to work, nothing wrong with that. Other reasons.....some idiot decides this is a perfect time to get into an accident and not pull to the side of the road to exchange information, a truck driver in the largest 18 wheeler I have ever seen has pulled onto Arcola during rush hour and we all know how long it takes one of those trucks to stop and start up again, the person at the front of traffic does not get going when the light turns green (how do these people always end up at the front?), the idiots who turn onto Arcola when all traffic is cleared for them, do not get into the lane they need to be in!!!! They drive for a bit then signal for 5 minutes trying to get over into the lane that was available when they merged, people texting, watching TV, changing the radio station, looking in their glove box and back seat for god knows what, looking at me instead of driving! Let's go already!!! So I make it to the ring road yay!!! no no! do not say that, this is the worst part. I merge behind someone who obviously doesn't know we are hitting the ring road because they are merging at 40km/h. I know this person is going to use the whole merging lane and get stuck at the end, so as soon as the person who hasn't moved over into the opposite left lane so I can merge passes me, I slam on the gas and make my way into the fast lane with small amount of space I have decided I need. I go from 40km/h to 120km/h and I'm off!!!! You would think going 120 I should be OK, but no someone in their mom's Honda Civic that is at least 2 km's away at one point is right on my bumper in no time. If i'm feeling aggressive that morning I usually push on my break and give them a scare, but not usually, usually I just slow down. Ok now the ring road is a thing of the past. I get onto Albert St. I stop at the first light, the second light and the third light because they are obviously timed very well. Now there is a road beside Albert St. I drive on because it has no lights and a 4 WAY STOP....UGHHHH. I pull up to the 4 way just as 3 other cars stop at what seems to be the exact same time. I sit back and watch as each person goes, stops, goes, stops and eventually I just power through with a huge smile on my face. Honestly I love the 4 way, especially when someone riding a bike thinks they can just drive right through without obeying traffic laws. Not when I'm around Lance.

FUCK YOU!!!!

I make it to the Golden Mile parking lot where I notice someone is throwing their garbage into the Smitty's garbage container and tear them a new one, knowing the next day they will do it again. All my staff do amazing parking jobs so I easily find a parking spot (saaarrrccaaasssmmm!). I left the east end of the city at 7:45am and I'm at work 8:12am....on a Saturday or Sunday I get to work in 7 minutes, god I love those days.