the BONEY and SACHMO show: GOOD OLD CORNER STORE

Today I was at Mr.Singh's food store buying "Bottle Caps", and a huge wave of nostalgia hit me like Lisa Diewold kicking me in the balls for ruining her expensive shirt made by some Italian jerk.

"Owww my robot....balls!!!"

Mr. Singh's reminds me of a corner store I used to frequent called B.Y.W. To this day I have no idea what it stands for. Most of the time my brother Stephen, Chris and I didn't call it that we just called it the chinaman store....hey we were 8-10 years old and the people who owned it were chinese so go back in time and give me shit then. I loved that place, they would let us trade our empty bottles in for store credit. We didn't have much money back then so we usually fished these bottles out of the Shell gas station garbage, man what a gold mine that was, especially the garbage by the vacuum where people cleaned their cars.

"I don't care what anyone says, pop always tasted better out of the bottle"

When we did get our allowance that was the first place we headed too. We would run in their and start clearing the shelves. Mr.Chinaman would not take his eyes off us the whole time. He stared at us just like those fast food workers do when you're looking at the menu trying to decide what to have. I would grab delicious items like "Gold Nugget Gum", Bottle Caps, Nerds, Mexican Chilli chips, Pixy Sticks, Gobstoppers, Sugar Daddy's, those Ice Cream Sundae's with the wooden spoon and of course to wash it all down Fanta Rootbeer. I remember paying for all this stuff and Mr. Chinaman never ringing anything in, like I gave a shit back then but now I realize what he was doing lol.

"Not only will I cook book, but you open mouth I cook you cat! ROR"

That store had a specific smell. You know that smell when you go into some one's home and even if you were blindfolded you would know where you are. No place ever smelled like that, it was probably due to the fact they lived upstairs and their cooking mixed in with the nature convenience store smell.

Another place I frequented was "Bi-Rite", especially when I was with my Grandmother. I loved that place! Not just because I was going to get a chocolate bar of my choosing, but they had a "Turbo Grafx 16" video game system set up that I could play while my grandmother was getting things like baby oil and candy corn or whatever the fuck grandmother's buy.

"It's the future of gaming...."

The holy grail of convenience stores of course was "7-11". When we got a chance to go there it was like Disneyland without all the dirty men in mouse costumes. My mom would take us there when she picked us up for the weekend and no longer did I have to put up with cheap imitation "Slurpee". It was like drinking clouds or some shit like that.

"Holy Christ you can find anything on Google"

Last but DEFINITELY not least I have to give an honorable mention to "Jungle Jim's" convenience store. This was the only place you could get lottery tickets, cigarettes and porn at the ripe old age of 11. I saw stuff I'm sure a 11 year old now a days would scoff at, but remember I didn't have the Internet at my disposal. I saw so much hairy bush, and because of this I was very confused the first time I had sex and the girl was shaved....I seriously thought something was wrong lol. Back then I had no idea what I was looking at, it was really kind of gross and I couldn't figure our all the hype. A vulgar babysitter I used to have told me that hairy mess will someday have me do anything it wants. This was coming from a guy who chased our cat around with a hair dryer so I didn't really take his word on it. How right he was.....Sachmo at 11 years old thanks you Jungle Jim's the ultimate purveyor of porn :)