Boney's Round 2 Picks

EAST

Pittsburgh v Montreal

Pittsburgh got roughed up by Ottawa, but eventually prevailed, Montreal stormed back against Washington on the strength of Jaro "Superman and Batman rolled into one" Halak

How do you score on this goalie?

I think Montreal has a real good chance so long as Halak stays hot, and Halak will stay hot

            Yeah...That hot

Boney's fearless pick...

Habs in 6...mmm sacrilicious

Boston v Philly

I really hate these two teams. I hate them so bad. Although Boston Baked Beans and Philly Cheesesteaks are both delicious, I can't stand their hockey teams. I see them as fairly evenly matched, but I think the return of Marc Savard pushes Boston over the top...

Bruins in 7

WEST

San Jose v Detroit

God I hate Detroit. I hate this team so bad, and they never lose. Christ why don't they ever lose? Detroit knows how to win and San Jose has never been past the 2nd round. Detroit is clutch, San Jose just got a little clutch once...

Wings in 6

Chicago v Vancouver

Chicago is a Stanley Cup calibre team, but they have some injuries most notably Brian Campbell and top PK man John Madden. Vancouver is thin on D but their D men have been playing very VERY well. The Sedin line is the best line in the series, and Luongo is the best goalie...For my first non-original 6 pick...

Canucks in 6 (bring back the yellow logo!)

Revisiting first round picks

EAST


Washington v Montreal

Washington had a hell of a year best in the league. Montreal struggled with consistency. That being said, Washington is not so good at stopping goals, and their goalies are...something. Upsets happen every year and this will be one. Montreal in 7

EPIC WIN!

New Jersey v Philidelphia

This one comes down to one matchup. Martin Brodeur versus Brian Boucher. Jersey wins in a tight one in 7

Buffalo v Boston

God, can't they both lose? Boston has the worse goalie, and are missing Marc Savard, Buffalo in a squeaker

Pittsburgh v Ottawa

I would love for Ottawa to take this one, but I think Pittsburgh is too powerful, Pens in 6

WEST

San Jose v Colorado

Perennial choke masters up against up and comers. Colorado gets it's groove back in 5. That's right, an 8 seed to demolish a 1

Chicago v Nashville

Chicago is a Stanley Cup calibre team, Nashville has...voodoo? Hawks in 6 but they get beat up physically.

Vancouver v LA

Vancouver has better everything than LA they win in 6 but the lack of depth on the blue line might haunt them in later rounds, especially if someone gets hurt.

Phoenix v Detroit

In the matchup of Cinderella versus battle hardened vets all things point to Detroit. So I say 'yotes in 7

Record 4-4

I refuse

to read Scruff a bedtime story.

I'm just not that lame. I mean I'm pretty lame, but not that lame.

The biggest sign you are going to have a bad night...

"Hello Ladies...care for a roofie-colada?"

The Shat for GG?

Seriously, over 11000 people have signed up to encourage the government to nominate William Shatner as Governor General. I love it. He can't be anymore ridiculous as Adrienne Clarkson or Michaelle Jean, and frankly at least he'd make me laugh.The one thing that sucks about this is that no matter who gets the job, I'm going to be disappointed if it isn't Shatner.
Shatners resume includes:
1978 Science Fiction Awards


Covering WWE wrestler's entrance songs


And of course this gem

I wanna be in Vegas now!

Damnit, I don't wanna work the next two days, I wanna go to Vegas now!

It's a magical happy land where you can stay out as late as you want, the fun never ends, and nothing bad ever happens

Nope nothing bad ever happens there.

I mean seriously how great will it be to watch playoff hockey with a C-Note on the game on top of already cheering for our favorite teams? How delicious will the prime rib buffets be?

"MORE"

How wonderful will it be to wake up hungover, go downstairs for a hair of the dog and breathe in the extra oxygenated air supply?

so much better than this air supply

Don't worry, Sachmo and I will give a nice wrap up of the hilarity that ensues once we get back, although I can't promise that many posts will be posted during the days we are gone, the internet access and sobriety could be in short supply.

                 "i love white women ROR!"

Boney's playoff predictions

EAST
Washington v Montreal
Washington had a hell of a year best in the league. Montreal struggled with consistency. That being said, Washington is not so good at stopping goals, and their goalies are...something. Upsets happen every year and this will be one. Montreal in 7
New Jersey v Philidelphia
This one comes down to one matchup. Martin Brodeur versus Brian Boucher. Jersey wins in a tight one in 7
Buffalo v Boston
God, can't they both lose? Boston has the worse goalie, and are missing Marc Savard, Buffalo in a squeaker
Pittsburgh v Ottawa
I would love for Ottawa to take this one, but I think Pittsburgh is too powerful, Pens in 6

WEST
San Jose v Colorado
Perennial choke masters up against up and comers. Colorado gets it's groove back in 5. That's right, an 8 seed to demolish a 1
Chicago v Nashville
Chicago is a Stanley Cup calibre team, Nashville has...voodoo? Hawks in 6 but they get beat up physically.
Vancouver v LA
Vancouver has better everything than LA they win in 6 but the lack of depth on the blue line might haunt them in later rounds, especially if someone gets hurt.
Phoenix v Detroit
In the matchup of Cinderella versus battle hardened vets all things point to Detroit. So I say 'yotes in 7

THE CANADIAN AIR FORCE IS IN THE "BAGG"

The Saskatchewan Roughriders have announced the signing of Rob Bagg to a 2 year contract extension. This is truly a great turning point in this franchise, in the past we could never lure great players too our team or keep amazing players like Bagg. The other teams in the league will have a headache covering this Rider's receiving core, and I will have a great time watching it. You can hear Rob's reaction to his signing here. GO RIDER'S!!!!!!!!!!

GOOD OLD CORNER STORE

Today I was at Mr.Singh's food store buying "Bottle Caps", and a huge wave of nostalgia hit me like Lisa Diewold kicking me in the balls for ruining her expensive shirt made by some Italian jerk.

"Owww my robot....balls!!!"

Mr. Singh's reminds me of a corner store I used to frequent called B.Y.W. To this day I have no idea what it stands for. Most of the time my brother Stephen, Chris and I didn't call it that we just called it the chinaman store....hey we were 8-10 years old and the people who owned it were chinese so go back in time and give me shit then. I loved that place, they would let us trade our empty bottles in for store credit. We didn't have much money back then so we usually fished these bottles out of the Shell gas station garbage, man what a gold mine that was, especially the garbage by the vacuum where people cleaned their cars.

"I don't care what anyone says, pop always tasted better out of the bottle"

When we did get our allowance that was the first place we headed too. We would run in their and start clearing the shelves. Mr.Chinaman would not take his eyes off us the whole time. He stared at us just like those fast food workers do when you're looking at the menu trying to decide what to have. I would grab delicious items like "Gold Nugget Gum", Bottle Caps, Nerds, Mexican Chilli chips, Pixy Sticks, Gobstoppers, Sugar Daddy's, those Ice Cream Sundae's with the wooden spoon and of course to wash it all down Fanta Rootbeer. I remember paying for all this stuff and Mr. Chinaman never ringing anything in, like I gave a shit back then but now I realize what he was doing lol.

"Not only will I cook book, but you open mouth I cook you cat! ROR"

That store had a specific smell. You know that smell when you go into some one's home and even if you were blindfolded you would know where you are. No place ever smelled like that, it was probably due to the fact they lived upstairs and their cooking mixed in with the nature convenience store smell.

Another place I frequented was "Bi-Rite", especially when I was with my Grandmother. I loved that place! Not just because I was going to get a chocolate bar of my choosing, but they had a "Turbo Grafx 16" video game system set up that I could play while my grandmother was getting things like baby oil and candy corn or whatever the fuck grandmother's buy.

"It's the future of gaming...."

The holy grail of convenience stores of course was "7-11". When we got a chance to go there it was like Disneyland without all the dirty men in mouse costumes. My mom would take us there when she picked us up for the weekend and no longer did I have to put up with cheap imitation "Slurpee". It was like drinking clouds or some shit like that.

"Holy Christ you can find anything on Google"

Last but DEFINITELY not least I have to give an honorable mention to "Jungle Jim's" convenience store. This was the only place you could get lottery tickets, cigarettes and porn at the ripe old age of 11. I saw stuff I'm sure a 11 year old now a days would scoff at, but remember I didn't have the Internet at my disposal. I saw so much hairy bush, and because of this I was very confused the first time I had sex and the girl was shaved....I seriously thought something was wrong lol. Back then I had no idea what I was looking at, it was really kind of gross and I couldn't figure our all the hype. A vulgar babysitter I used to have told me that hairy mess will someday have me do anything it wants. This was coming from a guy who chased our cat around with a hair dryer so I didn't really take his word on it. How right he was.....Sachmo at 11 years old thanks you Jungle Jim's the ultimate purveyor of porn :)

"It's so ANGRY!!!'

*side note....the "ROR" is like "LOL", but a asian person saying it. I know i'm a terrible human being, i'm not disputing that at all.

Hooray!

2000 HITS!

Why I don't like litigiousness

So a couple years ago some guy gets super drunk, I'm talking unbelievably hammered and passes out in an empty lot. Someone notices him and calls 911 and the cops roll by and pick him up, they then take him to jail to sleep it off (this is 4 in the afternoon). Around 10 pm it is noticed that he isn't breathing and an ambulance is called, the man did not make it. The autopsy shows alcohol poisoning as the cause of death. Generally this is caused by a blood alcohol level up to and over 0.50 (0.08 is the most common driving limit). The man's daughter is now suing the police department. While things could obviously have turned out differently, I find it hard to be sympathetic when somebody drinks enough to die. It just seems to me that it's not the individual officers faults that this guy drank so much (FYI a 40 over fours hours will put an average sized guy at 0.60). Why doesn't she sue the liquor board that sold her dad the booze? What about the company that made the booze? Or the kids that bullied her dad as a child and drove him to drink? She could sue me, because I didn't stop her dad from drinking. In the end, if you do something stupid, and it comes back to hurt you, it's your own damn fault, and the one person the most responsible for this has already been punished; he died of alcohol poisoning.

PUNY HUMANS! Can't hold your liquor!

Hello and Welcome to MovieFone!

So I'm watching Seinfeld reruns and the one where Kramer is the MovieFone guy is on. That made me think of the 11 points list of Seinfeld movies that should be made. So I decided to take the 11 points list, and try and cast them and find a picture that could/should be on the poster.

Rochelle Rochelle
A young woman's erotic journey from Milan to Minsk

Starring

Sabrina Ferilli as Rochelle de Luca

Joe Pesci as Gianluca de Luca, Rochelle's overly protective father

Gaël Morel as Philippe Dupont the young French vagabond Rochelle initially runs off with

Monica Belluci as Giovanna Petrozinni the older woman Rochelle has a torrid affair with (hot)

Chunnel

32 miles...of HELL

Starring:

Daniel Craig as "Lancer" the otherwise unnamed MI5 operative tasked with stopping terrorists from detonating a dirty bomb in the Chunnel.

Steve Buscemi as Roman Mikhailovich Pavlochenko, the mastermind of the terrorist cell.

Ian McKellen as Sir Peter Finch, the head of MI5, a retired operative trying desperately to coordinate the defence of the Chunnel Train.

Christopher Walken as J David Masterson, the CIA Director of Operatons, working closely with Sir Finch

The Rock as Brian Freeman, ex-Marine with the tortured conscience who is reluctantly re-activated by cell phone by Masterson and joins forces with Lancer.

Checkmate

Man: I didn't know you enjoyed chess, your majesty.

King: Why wouldn't I?

Man: Because the king is always in jeopardy.
King: Yes, but it's only a game.
Man: (suspiciously) Yes, of course. Only a game.

Starring:
Sir Anthony Hopkins as the King
Dame Judi Dench as the Queen
Sean Connery as Death
Kenneth Branagh as the Suspicious Sounding man

I also really like 11 points ideas of "the tagline could be: 'Who's the pawn?' and the poster could feature a chessboard in the background and all of the characters standing on it, staring straight ahead".

Death Blow
"When someone tries to blow you up, not because of who you are, but for different reasons altogether."

Firestorm

We don't know the tagline for this, but we do know there is a scene with Harrison Ford jumping out of an airplane and shooting back up at it as he falls. Also there is a scene where a helicopter lands on a car. I think this is going to be a new Resident Evil movie based on Resident Evil 5.

Starring:

Harrison Ford as Chris Redfield

Michelle van der Water as Sheva Alomar

Bono as Wessker

Blimp: The Hindenburg Story

That's GOTTA hurt!

Starring

Jürgen Prochnow as Captain Max Pruss

Mark Wahlberg as Commander Charles Rosendahl

George Clooney as Herbert Morrison

Sack Lunch

Are they in a a giant paper bag, or where they shrunk down?

Starring as the family:

Rick Moranis as the dad

Katy Segal as the mom

Christina Ricci as the oldest daughter

Dakota Fanning as the youngest daughter

Erik Per Sullivan as the son

Cry Cry Again

 Set in Paris a woman tries to buy back her soul in bread form

Starring

Morgan Freeman as the baker of souls

Anna Faris as the woman 

Brown Eyed Girl

Is boring so instead I'm gonna do

Mountain High

Kevin Bacon. Susan Sarandon. You've got to get me over that mountain! NOO! [sound of air raid then a long scream] There's no higher place than... Mountain High. Rated R

 

Obviously starring Kevin Bacon and Susan Sarandon. Also Ed Harris as the commander of the forces attacking Mountain High. Mr T makes a cameo as the President.

The Other Side of Darkness

A woman goes into a coma

NURSE: Doctor, how's her coma?

DOCTOR:Oh, exactly the same...Wait a minute, she's coming out of the coma...
Mrs Allbright, can you hear me? Are you okay?
MRS. ALLBRIGHT: (bright and cheerful) I feel so rested and refreshed. Get me a toothbrush.

We know this movie stars Eric Roberts as the husband of the coma victim (it's mentionned in the Episode), and Megan Fox plays the wife.

Ponce de Leon

Elaine: ``Ponce de Leon'', are you kidding me? I hated that movie!

George: ``Ponce de Leon''? But that was great!
Elaine: Oh, come on. That Fountain of Youth scene at the end, where
they're all splashin' around, and then they go running over to the
mirror to see if it really worked? I mean, come on! [laughing too
hard to continue] That's stupid!
George: Lemme tell you sum'in. When Ponce looked in that mirror and saw
that he hadn't changed, and that tear started to roll down his
cheek? ... I lost it.

Starring Benicio del Toro as Ponce de Leon and Elisha Cuthbert as the beautiful guardian of the Fountain of Youth who teaches Ponce that the secret of eternal youth is not to be found in a mystical fountain...but in... love 

8 DAYS OF WORK....DONE!!!!

I know a lot of you have been creaming your pants in anticipation of my new post (see "Crazy Germans" comment section). I've worked the last 8 days in a row along with hanging out with the GF, going out for drinks and working my Ukrainian perogie eating ass off on the treadmill. Is that good enough for you anonymous poster? Speaking of anonymous posters who tell me to "nut up", what exactly does this mean? Should I stock up on various peanuts? Do you want to see my "nuts"....ummmm "UP"? I'm sorry dingleberry the only people that I will let see my nuts are me, my GF, Anna Farris and your mom. I'm busy, and you sir are worse than Hitler.

Is this what you mean by "nutting up"? because I would totally wear that costume.

Ok enough about "anonymous slapnuts"!!! I am sick and tired of the "NFL" vs. "CFL" debate and the jerk stores who are all "blah blah blah the NFL has the best players what is the point of watching the CFL. Ok no fucking kidding the NFL has the better players, there are 350 million people in the US and the NFL has a salary cap of 120 million or something ridiculous like that. Ok great argument, i'll just stop cheering for my home town Rider's because they have to have jobs in the off season and get hand jobs from girls at JD's instead of being able to afford high class hookers. I love the NFL don't get me wrong, but I love the Rider's more than chocolate covered bottle caps, and if you don't like the CFL don't watch it...easy as that. I don't understand what you CFL haters want, do you want the league to fold so these player can't play the game they love? Do you want me too cheer in the stands but yell out "The NFL is better just so everyone knows we are cheering for no reason!!" That is like people who complain and say pro wrestling is fake! No shit Robert Downey Jr. what tipped you off? Movies are fake as well but I don't comment during the movie that the aliens blowing up the White House is fake and get all in a huff about it, I just sit back and enjoy. Just like when I enjoy my wonderful football....it's as easy as that...just....enjoy.

"Ugh...82 more days :( :( <--- (look how upset Boney and Sachmo are)

"There that's better" :) :)

Keeping with the sport theme, did anyone see Andrew Bogut of the Milwaukee Bucks break his arm. My god when your elbow hits the back of your head from behind, you know it's trouble. Can he ever play again after that? I watched that video on "Sportscenter" a million time and my balls tingled every time. Speaking of that what is it about your balls that feel sympathy for someone when you see such a thing happen. For the 1 female reader it's like being kicked in the balls, I can't explain what it feels like.

"Funny....I don't remember this one."

ATTENTION....ATTENTION too all you bike rider's out there, four way stops and red lights do apply to you! With maniacs on the road like me are you out of your goddamn mind!

"I need to get to the hospital as fast as I can, i'm allergic to bee stings!!!"

Ohhhhh as if the Bon Jovi concert didn't already kick ass, Kid Rock has been announced as the opener!!! The great rock stars from the 80's and the great 90's rock star all in one show!!! I just peed a little. Honestly I would pay good money just to see Kid Rock. I hope the weather cooperates and the Jovi doesn't fall off stage at the concert. I'm going to say this Boney and Sachmo may be missing a few days after this concert, because we are going to be Charlie Sheen drunk and you know what happens when that occurs. It will go like this.... (Sachmo) "Hey Boney lets fly too Vegas right now"....(Boney) "Uhhhh I don't know Daaaavy".....(Sachmo) "There will be booze there"....(Boney)"I just bought us 2 tickets from my phone."

Right now I would like everyone to turn their keyboard upside down and smack the back of it....what came out? I don't know about you guys but an strange amount of hair came out of mine. Anyone who knows me knows I have very little hair on my body especially my hands, so WTF. I could understand if it was dog hair or hair from my head, but it's little pieces of hair not an inch long....weird....i'm just sayin'.

To the lady who was on the news the other day and got conned out of $20,000 she sent via Western Union to a guy who "sounded" like one of her nephews, from a cash advance on her Visa....where do I start. Plus she had the gall to blame the bank and the high credit limit on her card! Are you insane! You go up to the teller and want a $20,000 cash advance the teller does it for you, she is not your babysitter you are responsible for yourself. At what point did this not seem very odd??? If you phoned any family member before you did this and told them the situation this would not have happened. The bank did feel sorry for her so they waved her interest charges....Uhhh hello I would also like my interest charges waved....OK I do feel a little bad for her, so when my money comes from the king of Jamaica I will help her out.

In closing I welcome everyone to come see the "Hobo Ninja's" play their first playoff game on Friday night at 8:00pm....Every spectator gets a free pancake next time they eat at Smitty's.

*offer valid between the hours of 8:00am and 8:01am and subject too Joey Eisenzimmer's mood.

Crazy Germans

So a German family is in Liverpool, Grandpa, 91 years old, dies in his sleep.  Distraught the family looks at getitng home as soon as possible so that they can do what they need to do for the funeral. One of the family realizes that is costs about $7000 dollars to transport a body back home. Not having that much money, the family was quite distraught. Suddenly, noticing a nearby TV on TBS gave the family an idea!

Yes they allegedly slapped sunglasses on him, put him in a wheelchair, took a taxi to the airport and tried to board the flight. Then a worker who they asked to help get him from the car to the wheelchair realized that "hey living people aren't cold and floppy", as this fellow was during the transfer

our friend on the table just sleeps like that Officer, I swear!

The worker, a little in shock proceds to take the family in and alerts security who try to take the mans pulse. They are waved away by the family, with the daughter allegedly prompting the children to tell the security officers that "That's how Grandpa sleeps". I can't emphasize this enough. This woman gets into a cab with her mother, her dead father, AND TWO CHILDREN.  Jesus Christ that's traumatizing. Even Jesus Christ came back to life (allegedly) before seeing his friends again

  

Yo that's cold, don't do that to the lil'uns!

Needless to say, they were arrested.